Futures and Options

Just another town along the road.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Things I just plain do not understand

This (assuming I have some follow-through) is going to be a randomly-updated series where I can rant about things that make absolutely no sense to me at all.  Today’s inaugural rant was inspired by a photo album recently uploaded to Facebook by a friend of mine.

And now, without further ado, the very first installment of “Things I Just Plain do not Understand”:

Bachelorette Parties:  These things absolutely defy anything even remotely approximating an attempt at logic.  Groups of women who, in any other situation take serious offense to things as minor as fart jokes, will, at bachelorette parties, gleefully exchange penis-themed party favors and edible underwear.    These parties are nothing more than culturally-legitimized opportunities for women to engage in the same behaviours that they absolutely despise in men.  I mean, really, what do you think would happen if a woman found out that someone had given her husband/fiance/boyfriend a cake that was decorated with vagina-shaped candles?  I’m not too sure of the specifics, but I can guarantee that it would be substantially unpleasant for both of the men involved.  Of course, if a woman gets a cake decorated with penis-shaped candles during her bachelorette party it’s hilariously funny.  Funny enough to get posted to Facebook, in fact.  Let’s see someone try that with a with a vagina cake.

Sure, some will argue that a bawdy bachelorette party is an empowering form of equality and gives women a celebration that has parity with the traditional bachelor party (which, frankly, I don’t particularly understand either).  I say that if you want to empower a woman you might want to try choosing party decoration themes that don’t imply that her primary function in marriage is to suck her husband’s ****.

Just a suggestion ladies.

posted by Zenmervolt at 13:48  


  1. Very, very funny post. Penis-themed bachelorette parties make no sense to me either, and I’m a female. Another weird thing is that some girls I know have their mother, sisters, and future mother-in-law at the party. Wouldn’t that just be embarassing?
    Bachelor parties don’t make sense to me either, especially if there is a stripper or strip club involved. I don’t understand wedding showers either.

    Comment by Eurypyga helias — Sunday, 31 May, 2009 @ 14:13

  2. I’m pleased to see that the scientific bird name motif is catching on among commenters. We now have Meleagris gallopavo and Eurypyga helias adding their thoughts to our illustrious forum. Nice taste in species, by the way. But don’t think you can completely cloak yourself in Latin anonymity: your choices reveal your identity! I know who you are!

    If any other commenters want to leap onto the bandwagon, here are some other impressive-sounding names (and reasonably cool species): Nycticorax nycticorax, Phaethon aethereus, Asio otus, Otus asio, Falco peregrinus, Heliomaster constantii, and Ixoreus naevius.

    Comment by Strix nebulosa — Monday, 01 June, 2009 @ 05:27

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